Avoidance Learning

A few years ago, a coworker of mine and I were having a conversation about movies. It was a pretty light-hearted conversation, "Have you seen such and such movie?" "I have." "What'd you think?"

All that jazz.

Just the kind of easy-going water cooler banter that makes the day pass a little faster. Especially on a day when there's not a lot of work to do.

At some point, though, the movie conversation got weird.

"Have you seen Taken?"

"I have," I replied. "I just saw it the other day. I thought it was pretty good. I couldn't really picture Liam Neeson in an action movie, but I bought it."

"Oh my God. I loved it. I watched it by myself because my husband gets anxious about kidnappings, but I thought it was badass. Did you see The Taking of Pelham 123?"

Wait. What? I did see The Taking of Pelham 123, but what was that thing in there between the "I loved it" and the question? I kind of make a funny face, but ultimately decide not to get weird and press her on her husband's aversion to mainstream action movies.

"I did see that. I didn't really like it. But it was what it was. I've actually seen a lot of movies lately that I'm indifferent to."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"The Road, The Book of Eli, The Lovely Bones. Meh. Meh. And big meh."

"I REFUSE to watch The Lovely Bones. REFUSE. I just can't handle stories like that."

Wait. What? I'm all for "it take all kinds," but that's a weird thing to say, right? Stories like what? The husband has an aversion to action films, and she's adamantly against ghost stories? I know this woman has a penchant for Adam Sandler movies, so I wasn't expecting her to be a movie nerd, but this is weird I think. Right? It's weird. I can't let it go.

"Stories like what? Ghost stories?"

"Anything that has to do with killing or molesting children or rape REALLY bothers me. It makes me sick that someone is out there writing stories like that."

Okay. It's confirmed. That's weird. Because that's an event that happens in the book/movie. But it's not a story about raping and murdering children. It's not a snuff film. If it were two hours of a 10-year old girl in a basement getting raped, that would REALLY bother me. But it's not. It's a 30-second scene where a terrible thing is alluded to, and then magical realism sets in and the dead girl reflects on how the lives of her loved ones change because of this horrible event.

I mean, I thought the movie was shitty. But only because it bored me and didn't really break any new ground for me. It didn't shed light on any Truths or challenge my thinking. It was just meh. But it wasn't offensive. And to be sickened that someone is out there writing a story about a terrible thing that actually happens? That kind of sickens me. Well, no, it doesn't sicken me. But it makes me sad.

If the author was at home fingering herself as she typed, "...and then the bad man became aroused as he thought of murdering the child..." and then at the end of each sentence drank a pint of baby's blood and drowned a kitten, that would be weird. That would be grounds for sickening. But that's not happening. At least I don't think it is. Alice Sebold seems like a reasonable person. Not a pervert.

I mean murder, rape, molestation, genocide, incest, etc.... These are things that happen. They're bad things. And I wish they didn't happen. And the fact that they happen makes me mad, sad, and disgusted. But acknowledging that they happen seems almost like, I don't know, an important thing. Right? Am I crazy?

Of course, I say none of this.

"Oh. What was the last Adam Sandler movie you saw?"

I then avoided talking about movies with that coworker ever again.

Recently, this came up for some reason with my sister. My sister has two kids. And we were talking movies. A synapse in my brain fired and I remembered this conversation.

"Oh man, how weird is this..." I then went on to recount this entire story to my sister. My thinking and my retelling of it was completely from an angle of, "You'll totally be on my side, and I'll be able to say all of the things that are in the above paragraphs about how this person is a weird. And you'll agree, because you're a thoughtful, reasonable human being who's not at all sheltered and weird."

Only my sister cuts me off as I'm getting into how the author isn't fingering herself and drinking blood.

"Kids, Lou. It's kids. I'm the same way. The thought of violence towards children just disgusts me."

"What the fuck are you talking about?! No one is advocating violence towards children! The husband wouldn't watch Taken because of a kidnapping! Taken! He saves her and kills the bad guys!"

"I know. I get what you're saying. But it happened to me. It's biological. Once you have a kid, something happens, and you can't watch that stuff anymore."

"But it's not even 'stuff.' These aren't even mildly challenging films we're talking about. It's not the Lord of the Flies and kids are killing each other for survival, and it's dark and it's weird. It's not Hostel where it's just an orgy of violence for no real reason. It's not even Sleepers, that shitty movie about the kids who get raped and then get vengeance and it's got heavy themes and shit."

"I know. But I can't watch Law and Order: SVU anymore because it sickens me."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" The conversation ended with me getting mad at the world, and vowing to prove everyone wrong.

When my baby is born in eight weeks, I'm going to keep watching movies where kids are harmed. I might do it exclusively. If a child doesn't die, I'm not watching. I will not raise my child to believe in a fictional world where nothing bad happens, and no one has to think about anything challenging or disturbing. I will not teach my child to bury his/her head in the sand.

On this day, I put forth this proclamation to the world. If you ever hear me say anything along the lines of, "I can't watch movies like that, because the content matter disturbs me," I hereby give you permission, nay, I encourage you to kick me in the nuts.

Unless it's an Adam Sandler movie. It REALLY bothers me that someone out there is writing stuff like that.