The Problem with the Lincoln Movie

Oh man, just saw Lincoln with the wife. Big fan. Good movie. I think everyone will agree. Everybody seems to agree on Abraham Lincoln. Good guy. He may be the only one. Him and Washington maybe. Though Washington had slaves. So maybe not. Some people probably think that makes Washington a hypocrite. I do a little bit. Jefferson? Don’t like him at all. I digress.

I think what was most impressive about Lincoln was that they humanized him. He’s such an iconic figure, he’s bigger than life, I think it often escapes us that he’s human. It’s easy to kind of put him on the mantle and forget that he was a person. And I think the movie showed that a bit. It showed his thinking. It showed him as a man with emotions and faults. It was really quite good in that respect.

However, I think it could have gone farther. I find that for all of the humanizing that movies do , for all of the attempts at bringing a figure “down to Earth,” so to speak, there are two scenes that they never go to. I imagine directors avoid these scenes in an effort to preserve the dignity of the characters. But “dignity” I think is too easy of an excuse for maintaining a barrier between us and them. The two scenes to really flesh out a character’s humanity are (1) the interrupted poo, and (2) the spurned sex scene.

They don’t need to be portrayed in an undignified way even. But when executed properly, they can really show the audience the character’s humanity.

Picture this:

Scene: Abraham Lincoln just left a heated argument with Thaddeus Stevens about the 16^th Amendment. He shouts Stevens down, displaying the character’s raw emotions, then storms off. Cut to Lincoln in the latrine. He’s just finished taking care of business and sits reading the latest headlines of the newspaper. [Don’t show any cringing or pushing. That would be too much. Just sitting on the toilet. Reading the newspaper.] Enter Mary Todd Lincoln.

Sally Field: Abraham! How many times have I told you to wipe the mud off your shoes before you go trouncing through the West Wing! And that’s yesterday’s paper.

Daniel Day-Lewis: [Note, really ham it up like only Daniel Day-Lewis can] Damnit woman! Is there nowhere I can have a moment’s peace! The fate of a nation rests upon my weary head, and I can’t find a moment’s peace for restful contemplation!

Pretty good, huh? The thing is, we can all relate. Everyone who’s been married has had the interrupted poo. Sometimes it’s okay. But sometimes you just need to get a little Daniel Day-Lewis on the interrupter, “As for you, Mr. Interrupter, you come down to the Bathroom again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me shit in peace.”

And just like that, everyone sees Lincoln as a man. Just like the rest of us. Puts his pants on one leg at a time. Or if that’s not enough, try scene two:

Scene: Mary Todd is putting china away after a state dinner. We look at her through the arch of a doorway. She’s all alone in the poorly lit dining room of the White House. Abraham’s silhouette steps into the doorway. The outline of his top hat is clear against light in the room. He steps into the room, and the lighting reveals that other than the hat, he is naked.

Daniel Day-Lewis: [Clears his throat]

Sally Field: [Drops a dish. Jumps] Abraham, you star- [turns and sees a naked Daniel Day-Lewis]. No! No! Not in the dining room. And not in that silly top hat.

Day-Lewis: Mary Todd, come on…

Field: Mary Todd nothing. We’ve been over this before. The hat is not a pathway to seduction. Now you go and put some clothes on and stop acting a fool. [To herself] Made me break a dish.

Day-Lewis: Yes dear.

Lincoln hangs his head and walks from the room.

See? Human! Who hasn’t been there? Put those scenes in your movie Mr. Spielberg and I’ll say you’ve done it. Because that shit happened to Lincoln. I guarantee you that. There’s no way Mary Todd never walked in on him shitting. And there’s no way he never tried to get some wearing nothing but that hat. It had to have happened. When Spielberg has the balls to make that statement? To challenge the audience that way? That's the day he'll earn his place on my mantle as an iconic figure. Consequently, that’s also the day we’ll need someone to make a biopic of Spielberg that includes a scene where Kate Capshaw catches him masturbating.