He's Making A List, He's Lazy As Shit (To the Tune of Santa's Coming to Town)

In this stupid terrible time of the Internet, as attention spans grow shorter and our capacity for exchanging ideas through words becomes nigh obsolete, there is a growing phenomenon that I have come to hate more than any other Internet phenomena: the list article. The list is trite and uninformative. The list is lazy. The list isn't capable of conveying any real ideas. And it isn't interested in supporting or backing up its opinions. The list exists for one purpose: generating page views.

Truly, any asshole can make a list and put it on the internet. You don't even need to qualify your list, "Given x, y, and z, and coming strictly from a point of view of [insert point of view here], the absolute 10 best/worst [thing] of [time period] are: [list].

Along with each item in the list, you insert a giant picture and one trite sentence backing up what you're trying to say. If you're really an asshole, the list is a slideshow, so you the reader are exposed to 10 times as many ads, because you have to make 10 clicks! The writer doesn't even need to know basic html to number or bullet the lists. There are CMS's like WordPress out there doing that lifting for them.

I hate lists. People who put them together for the internet, and organizations that publish them as though they are novel are assholes. They should all die and go to Hell.

Now...

Having said that, here is a list of the 10 most overrated movies I've ever seen:

1. Forrest Gump

Wow! Retarded people are innocent! Also, nostalgia? Who knew?!

2. American Beauty

Oh my God! Homophobic murderers' anger may stem from their being repressed homosexuals! That's not cliched at all!

3. The English Patient

Hey, describe a plum some more! Also, she isn't that attractive. In fact, she's kind of funny looking.

4. The Descendants

It's George Clooney and he's really a sincere and nice guy in real life, so his boring movie that isn't funny, touching, moving, or thought-provoking in any way is sincere, nice, and good as well!

5. The Sixth Sense

Oh my shit! He was dead all along!? If this movie had been released at any point in M. Night Shymalan's career other than first, everyone would think the first movie was brilliant and this one was a gimmicky piece of shit.

6. Goodfellas

10% of Goodfellas fans say, "No, it doesn't glorify violence! And the characters are interesting and compelling! It's based on a true story too!" 

90% of Goodfellas fans say, "It's so awesome and violent! Joe Pesci is a badass!"

7. Pulp Fiction

Super cool movie! For 19 year olds.

8. Full Metal Jacket

Hey asshole, pick a movie. Make it.

9. All Movies with Precocious Young People

Fucking Juno.

10. Raising Arizona

I don't really have strong hatred towards this movie. I just really like the Coen brothers and this one is highly rated, and I own it, and have watched it many times. But it's kind of long and boring, and I don't have the energy to write anything more thoughtful.

Disagree with my top 10? Tell me your top 10 in the comments!